Wed, Nov. 7th, 2007, 10:17 am
some mornings you wake up and feel like someone stomped on your head while you were asleep
Mon, Sep. 24th, 2007, 10:47 pm
Fri, Sep. 21st, 2007, 11:12 am
wow hawaii! good times. The wedding was amazing the hike was special and playing apples to apples was mostly insane!
ps. did I forget to mention the NIN concert? serendipity led to Trent putting in a concert right before my flight home, how considerate of him. . .good show man! I like the new outfits
there are days I miss having my room. . .yes yes I have a room now but it is not MY ROOM. I am organizing my life into a new set of bins something more permanent than the cardboard boxes that break every few months; and as I sift through my crap I miss it! I miss putting pictures all over my walls and post cards and thinking to write post cards because I know where they are and where my stamps are and where my address book is! NO we do not need much we complicate our lives with possessions but what the fuck else is going to keep our lives interesting? it is always complication of one sort or another and man am I being complicated lately :-*
Sat, Jun. 30th, 2007, 10:48 am
i dont know what was better kissing amanda or having dinner back stage with debbie and cyndi. Honestly it was probably the long conversation with Morgan
Wed, Jan. 31st, 2007, 10:34 pm
being sick has been totally lame but the weekend was super great (pictures will wait until I feel better).
I made a ring tonight it looks great
I think I will stay in the co-ops; partly due to the realization that these people do not have to be my friends like I was trying to make them and getting disappointed; none of them needs to be my friend just my roommate.
Tue, Jan. 9th, 2007, 09:30 pm
I get this weird anxiety when I see a palce that I can picture myself living in. I really do care about the co-ops and adore the people and concepts. I ran into heather (from the domes) on my way to see this place and she was asking me about why I was considering leaving and it was hard to explain. . . it is hard for me to understand. the conscious mind is a playground for the subconscious to wreak havock.
I jsut told rachel I am turning bi-polar (no not really) I go from happy to miserable to tollerating in the course of a day with no provocation between the transitions. . .would moving help? would staying hurt? would leaving hurt? I think leaving will damage a lot of the 'friendships' i have but that is part of the problem! who is my friend who would actually try to see me and who is just talking to me because I am around? Same problem in a different house but easier to deal with on a scale of 4 rather than three dozen.
enough for now I think I will read. . .next time the exciting happy things in my life, Scouts honor!
Fri, Jan. 5th, 2007, 11:10 am
I always feel a little guilty when Prof Bauer comes by. He is this 90 year old guy that Matt is working with and thus I am working with. For the last years I have been dilly dallying on a somewhat simple experiment but it is a low priority so meh. The thing is I want to have something done before he dies and today he made a comment to that effect and so it made me cringe a bit. Yet here I am not working at work!
Last night I watched Death to Smoochy with jamie and rachel, it was fan-didlly-tastic! I really enjoy that movie but for some reason every time I see it the movie seems less vulgar than I remember, maybe I am getting worse in my old age :) After the movie I talked to sara for a bit which was good because . . .well because she is sara and it is always good to talk to her.
sleep has been troublesome lately so waking up for breakfast with davey was not so easy but I managed and it was good. I know he is only a block away but I miss that guy already! of course that touches on one of the fundamental problems with the co-ops; making an effort to see someone is GOOD! having it be important enough to make plans and carry them out rather than just depending on the convince of knowing the person sleeps 30 feet away is a not so subtle way of communicating caring and desire/appreciation, something that is lost within the co-op friendships I have . . .it makes me sad. It makes me feel unimportant a lot of the time and the real trouble is I think very little of it really has to do with the co ops it is mostly me. When I mentioned on tuesday that I was thinking of moving out it was a lot harder than I thought it would be because I basically had to admit that I have emotional issues, and yes everyone knows that but it is not something I talk about especially in a group setting. It is confusing to me that I can sit there and think about it and I really do like living there and all the people and yet be so unhappy with the situation, further evidence that it is really me and not the co-ops but somehow that information makes staying a bit harder.
atleast it is sunny today
Sun, Dec. 31st, 2006, 03:23 am
how is it that I go from feeling kinda crummy at home to dancing and feeling great in sacramento to feeling crummy again as soon as I get home? I dont get it; I really think I like living here but I dont really feel it. THe problem si tehre is on easy answer and I really just want to say it is a phase it has not always been like this but I find it hard to remember a time I was truely excited to come home. Of course is it this place or me? more likely the latter but I dont think the former is a perfect match for me. . .what would be? joshua tree? the ozarks? eastern sierras some place? I think somewhere I can be alone; of course the problem there is I do not make enough money to afford to be alone. space is expensive.